I have experienced something today that I’m not altogether sure how to articulate, largely because I have yet to fully wade through & identify all that I’m feeling as a direct result of this news and the implications it carries with it. I can identify one thing I’m not feeling, however: anger. For the first time in nearly three years, I don’t have this overwhelming, smothering cloud of rage and indignance surrounding my conscious mind. I had forgotten what this feels like.

In July of 2013, I was abducted and assaulted, both sexually and physically. In addition to the physical marks I bore on my body, I also was left with gaping holes in my soul, in my spirit. Things were taken from me I didn’t think I would ever get back.

My family and friends helped a great deal, as much as they could. My counselor helped and continues to help on a weekly basis, still to this day.

The biggest factor I could not let go of though, was the sheer lack of justice I received. It took me 6 different law enforcement agencies and 7 weeks to even file a preliminary police report. When I finally began to make progress, my wounds were reopened when the prosecutor, leading the grand jury, no billed the charges brought against my assailant. He was allowed to to walk for what he had done to me. The fact that he had got himself arrested on other charges was a small comfort, and I took a little pleasure in it when he was sentenced to 30 years, and the fact that he would not even see parole for at least 4 years. At least I could breathe, knowing he was not free to come find me again.

Today, I was informed by a very reliable source that my assailant is the living dead. He is sick. He has had a stroke and is paralyzed on half of his body. He is bound to a wheel chair; he cannot feed himself, cannot wash himself. He is doubly imprisoned: by the state and in his own dying meat suit.

I have never been hateful by nature. I am a compassionate, generally kind human being. Though there were some in my life who wanted to end this man for what he did to me, I didn’t ever want anyone to go to prison for my sake. I didn’t want other lives ruined. I never really wanted him dead; I recall that I just wanted him to feel alone, isolated, with no one and nothing familiar. No friends, no family. I wanted him to feel the way he had made me feel.

Now, it would appear, lady Karma heard my wish, and found merit in it. Truly, this is more of a punishment than any man made construct could begin to dole out. This man’s own body is punishing him for the wrongs he has committed against others. I can breathe again.

image

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s